Split Second

(Written in 2001. A very short story about regret)

The sound of metal rails breaking and crashing filled my head. The view of empty space before me cleared it out. Silence came.

I remember the time when I used to play hind and seek with my friends. I was just seven years old back then. I would hide behind my big, fat uncle and no one would find me. Yes, he was that big. I wish I could go back and play again.

I remember the time when I had a crush on my fifth grade classmate. I would look at her as often as I possibly could. As far as I was concerned, she and I were the only people in the classroom. Then one time at recess, I stole a kiss from her. She was so surprised with what I did so she slapped me but I didn't mind. I sure wish I could go back.

I remember the time when I picked a fight with my high school classmate. I had bruises all over my body but I was fortunate because my face was spared so my mom didn't notice I got into a fight. I was too proud not to accept a challenge. I wish I could go back and chose to swallow my pride. That way, we didn't have a fight.

I remember the time when I would take strolls with my high school buddies. We would follow good-looking girls and try to talk to them. Every time we did that, we forget all the bad things in our lives. We stroll like there would be no tomorrow. I wish I could go back. Life was much fun then.

I remember the time when I attended my first college class. I still had some of my old friends with me but it was no easy task anymore but we didn't care. We had each other then. I wish I could go back. I really do wish I could.

I remember the time when I had my most serious relationship. It wasn't like the past ones that I didn't even seem to care about the girl. She cared for me so much that I changed a lot just for her. I gave up my most earthly desires. We had to part ways for the reason that she was hurt with what I have done. Why have been I so stupid and insensitive? She has given me so much and I gave her pain in return. I wish I could go back; try to fix it and start from scratch. It was worth the try.

I remember the time when I received my first paycheck. It was an achievement that I was so happy about. It was the very first sign of true independence. It was not like a part-time job or a summer job. It was more than those. I wish I could go back. The feeling was indeed fulfilling.

I remember the time when I had a little too much to drink. How could I forget? That was just an hour ago. I drove my car not considering the dangers that might happen. I wish I could go back and not have that much to drink or not drink at all.

I have crashed through the metal rails along the cliff and there's no turning back. I wish I could go back and do the wonderful things that I used to do. I wish I could go back and change the wrong decisions that I have made. But I can't, not now, not ever. All I have to do now is to wait for the very last sound that I'll ever hear and I wish it were laughter.

CRASH!